Holiday ROAD

Hey ya’ll the Rasmussen’s/Griswalds are preparing to embark on their South American Vacation. Peru watch out the Ugly American is coming. My dad (Clark) was generous enough to use his many many miles to help purchase airline tickets for 10 of us to and from Lima, Peru. We will be there for about 12 days traveling throughout Peru. I am so excited I have already packed about a week ago and I am thinking of unpacking so I can repack slightly more efficiently (the highlight of my trip). I must admit it took me awhile to warm up to the idea of spending TWELVE DAYS in extremely close contact with NINE of my family members but lately I have been getting into it. Part of the reason I was a bit nervous is that I have never really been out of the country (I don’t count an all inclusive resort in the Dominican Republic as leaving the country). I am not the best flyer in the world and have never been on a plane for longer than 5 hours at a time. Like most people I get a bit antsy being confined in such a small space for so long. That is one reason why I splurged on a fancy video Ipod for myself. I won’t be using the video portion too much (having trouble finding good video to put on it.) but am really excited about my new gadget. The fact that it holds 7,500 songs is amazing. I have been illegally downloading music from the web and ripping my own cd’s like crazy and still there are only like 1500 songs on there. I’ve also been getting into these podcasts. You can find a podcast on any subject you want its pretty cool.
Anyway back to Peru, why Peru you may ask? Well I’m not exactly sure. I know my dad went to Vietnam a couple of years ago and really caught the bug for international travel. I also know that Machu Picchu is one of those places in the world that he has always wanted to see. My sister also went to Peru a couple of years ago and LOVED it. Her best friend is Peruvian. Her friend’s uncle lives in Peru and has been working with my dad to plan out our trip. I know very little about Peru. Up until about a month ago I was just excited that we would be seeing something called “The COCK of the ROCK” and visiting a place called “Lake TITICACA.” Since then I have been doing some reading on Peru which has made me a lot more interested in the trip.
On Saturday we will wake up at about 4 in the morning and head to O’Hare. We will have a layover in Mexico City and arrive in Lima, Peru at about 12:30 at night (they are in the same time zone as we are.) Now that’s one long day of travel. The next morning we will take a flight to the city of Cuzco. Cuzco has a lot of Inca ruins and is close to the Sacred Valley of the Inca’s which we will also be seeing. Then it’s on to Machu Picchu to see more amazing ruins and nature. Following Machu Picchu we will be heading to Manu to stay in tents at a National Reserve in the Amazon Jungle. There we will be swimming with the piranhas, alligators, and god knows what, while canoeing down the Amazon River. (*note: this part of the trip scares the hell out of me too. I am just keep picturing the movie Anaconda with Ice Cube shouting “They got snakes dis big?!?!”)
After the Amazon, if any of us are still alive, it’s back to Costco (oops Cuzco) and then to Lake TITIES AND CACA. Ironically we should have gone to Costco to get everything we needed for Cuzco because we have to bring so much stuff. But we also are trying to carry as little luggage as possible so it has made packing a little tough. It is their winter down there so for most of the trip it actually will be pretty cold but when we are in the Amazon it will be hot. Trying to pack for winter and summer in one suitcase has been a challenge. I am being told to bring layers, winter coats, long underwear but also a swimming suit, sunscreen and sunhat. We were also told to bring tons of funny little things that you don’t often bring on vacations like TOLIET PAPER. The problem is we were only told to bring one roll each. This may be T.M.I for some of you NateBlogg readers but we here over at NateBlogg like us some toilet paper! One roll?!?!?!?! Did they mean one roll per day? Also even nastier, I am being told that we shouldn’t flush our toilet paper!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT THEN? Oh well it will be an adventure for sure. Hopefully I come back alive and with a clean butt.

Benny Da Bull

Man I can’t believe the Bulls got Ben Wallace that is crazy! Now what I am so cornfused about… is this a good thing? First of all I would like to say I think it is good. The Bulls haven’t had an all star on their team since a certain somebody left town (and no I’m not talking about Elton Brand or Brad Miller). Our new all star center/power forward fits so well with our up and coming team because he is the ultimate team player. He is well known as one of the hardest workers in the game. He will instill toughness into our young team and won’t let other teams push us around. He will teach our new young draft pick Tyrus Thomas how to play the position. Tyrus is only 19 years old and still has quite a bit of developing to do so it is nice that the best defender in the game will be there to show him the ropes. The championship caliber play of the Detroit Pistons over the last 4 seasons began and ended with Ben Wallace. He was the heart and soul of that team. A true leader. He is all the things the Bulls were lacking. Who was gonna step up and be our leader? Heinrich? I don’t think so. Chandler? Puh lease. Speaking of Chandler how incredible is it that we are about to move his 60 million dollar worthless ass out of town for (well at least the rumor is) a quality veteran center, whose large contract comes off the books next year, and a promising young shooting guard. I mean does Paxson have naked pictures of George Shinn or something? How are we able to do this? What is going on with the New Orleans Oklahoma City of Anaheim Charlotte Hornets? George Shinn is throwing around money like his name was Isaih Thomas. First they draft two big studs in the first round in Hilton Armstrong and Cedrick Simmons. Then they sign Peja Stoyachovich and Bobby Jackson to huge contracts. Now they are picking up worthless bum Chandler’s 60 million dollar contract. Rumor has it they are gonna go out and get Doug Christie, Vlade Divac, Chis Webber, Hedo Turkolou, Mike Bibby and Rick Adelman too. Anyways back to Ben Wallace, I wanna address some of the haters complaints about this move the Bulls have made.

1.) Why spend all that money on a one dimensional player?
I agree it’s a lot of money but that’s the nature of the NBA nowadays wake up and smell the coffee hater!!!! I am pretty sure Adonal Foyle received a 40 or 50 million dollar contract a year ago. Also who isn’t a one dimensional player in the NBA? Ron Artest, Kobe Bryant, Dwight Howard, Yao Ming, Tim Duncan, Kevin Garnett, Elton Brand, and Shaq those are about the only ones that come to mind. Now Iverson, Arenas, Peja, Dirk, Ray Allen, Nash, Labron, Carmelo, Wade, Pierce, Marbury etc etc etc…..are any of these guys known as defensive studs? NO! For some reason defensive skills have always been and will always be underrated. I don’t buy this “the league is playing more of an offense style game now.” Ummm not really. Defense still wins championships. Name me a championship team in the last thirty years that has not had a solid solid defense. That is why the Phoenix Suns of the world, while they are very entertaining to watch, will never win a NBA Championship. You need a dominant defensive player on your team to win it all. Enter 4 time (I think) defensive player of the year Ben Wallace. If this is such an offense based league nowadays then why have the Pistons and Spurs (two defensive teams) been the best two teams in the league for the past 4 or 5 years?

2.) Ben Wallace is too old for a four year contract.
I disagree. He is only 31 years old. As somebody who is going to hit 30 in a couple months I am not ready to say 31 is too old. I remember another former all star Bull hitting his prime around 31 years of age. Wallace is not one of these guys who have been playing in the pros since he was 18 years old either. Plus he didn’t play much at all until his 4th season so he has less wear and tear than some players in their early thirties. 6 years for a 31 year old woulda been too long but 4 years I think is fine. Lots of guys play past 35 years old. If anyone can keep his body in top shape to play late into his 30’s its Ben Wallace. Also, last time he was traded he took it to heart and became a stud. Things didn’t end well in Detroit. I wouldn’t be surprised to see him out there next year with a chip on his shoulder looking to prove the haters wrong.

3.) The Bulls don’t have enough offense.
This is partially true but that has nothing to do with the Wallace signing. Should we not have gone after the best free agent out there because of this? Who should we have signed Peja? We are a tough, defensive team and Wallace fits in perfectly. A great defense causes turnovers and fast breaks which creates points. Our offense will get better as our young stars such as Heinrich, Gordon, Deng, and Nocioni continue to develop. Heinrich was an offensive stud in the playoffs. Gordon, Deng and Noc are all very young and continue to improve in their third year (which also happens to be a contract year). I think the three of them definitely need to step it up offensively. Skiles needs to lean on Nocioni more. When he finally inserted him into the starting line up in the second half of last season Nocioni’s offensive numbers jumped.

So all in all I think this is a great signing and I am very excited about it. How nice to have a Chicago team to be excited about for the first time in forever. As I am typing this I see that ESPN’s Marc Stein reports that the Bulls have just traded Chandler for PJ Brown (and his expiring contract) and J.R. Smith. I love Pajama Brown he gives us more size and depth in the frontcourt. Also he is a capable scorer under the basket. I think J.R. Smith can be really good to. I can’t believe the Hornets are giving up on him so early. He showed signs of brilliance straight out of high school in his rookie year two years ago. Last year he fell into the bitchy Byron Scotts dog house and hopefully that is the only reason his game suffered. I am sure he will at least turn out better than the last young, athletic, wing we got from the Hornets, Eddie Robinson.

Dude we're getting the blog back together!!!

Howdy ya’ll get your reading glasses on because this is the NEW AND IMPROVED SUMMER OF NATE!!!! I’m back baby and better than ever so tell your friends. The first one’s free but once you get hooked I will be asking for you’re first born.

Top Ten Reasons why I love summer in Chicago

10. Not having to be around elementary school children- Yeah baby I ain’t got to work for like 2 and a half months. No Sunday night hangover dread. No more making my lunch the night before work. No more hour and a half in the car each day. No more going to bed at 10:30 and waking up at 6:00am. No more listening to people fighting because “he looked at me” “he touched me” “she breathed on me.” No more hearing my name butchered 1500 times a day. No more having 30 people talking to me at once while they are supposed to be sitting and listening quietly. No more people telling me when their birthday is every day when its four months away. No more people sneezing on me. Not having to spend my day threatening children will be quite refreshing. No more explaining simple subtraction and being met with nothing but blank stares. No more explaining the problem, showing them the answer and then still they don’t know what to do. No more listening to principals blame all of the world’s problems on teachers. YIKES I could go on and on but its summer time so I should stop being a Debbie Downer. (This could lead to a future blog that I have been thinking about for the past year or two entitled “Top 100 reasons why I hate my job.” Geez I hope I don’t get fired.)

9. Listening to Music- I love listening to music in the summer time. I love how hearing a certain song can take you back to a summer memory from long ago. I have so many good memories of going to summer concerts (man I need to get back into going to concerts I guess we are getting old.) I love the summer jams that come out. “IT’S GETTING HOT IN HERE SO TAKE OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHES!” (It seems like all of Nelly’s music is only for the summer time.) I used to really love going to Blues Fest the first weekend in June in Chicago. I think I got arrested one time for peeing in the street downtown at Blues Fest or maybe that was at the Taste? Blues Fest used to really kick off a nice substance abusing summer blur quite nicely. This leads me to my next thing I love about summer.

8. SMOKING WEED- Ok Ok so I haven’t really smoked pot in like 5 years but boy when I was young and spry I used to love getting high especially in the summer time. Driving around in someone’s car sharing a joint, smoking bowls at North Ave beach, or on the lawn at The World Music Amphitheatre or Alpine Valley.

7. Summer House Parties-I love parties that start during the day and end late at night. This only happens in the summer. The BBQ is plentiful as are the kegs. Maybe my friend Miguel will treat us to another singing performance this year.

6. Getting a new job- Almost every summer I get a new teaching job for the upcoming school year. It is almost like a nice rebirth every summer. I leave a crappy job and have high hopes that my new job won’t be quite so crappy. So far I am 0 for 3. Being hired is a great feeling (wow someone actually wants my services?)

5. Cub/Sox games-Well this rivalry used to be a lot more fun before a certain team won a World Series in dominate fashion and a certain other team squandered all kinds of potential. This year was still cool with the Barrett and Pierzynski fight. I have been to a Cub vs. Sox game each of the last 4 or 5 years. My friend Moira and her family have a fun Cub/Sox party every year. Somehow her dad is able to get around 100 tickets to one of the games each year. They host a pre-party and then round up some school buses to take us to the game. Those were some fun times. Unfortunately, because this is largely a Sox crowd, and I am a rowdy Cub fan, I am no longer invited to these parties. Come on Sox fans no need to hate anymore you got the trophy what else do ya want?

4. July 4th North vs. South Side of Oak Park Softball game-NORTH SIDE RULES. This is the oldest standing tradition among my group of friends. Ten or eleven years ago our big group of friends, which was always slightly split down the middle based on geography, decided to start a fierce rivalry in the form of a North vs. Southside Softball game. Since that first game eleven years ago we’ve all gotten a bit fatter and dumber. Girlfriends have turned into wives. A few of us have children (with a couple on the way). The North Siders don’t see the South Siders very much any more (in fact for the most part the two sides only meet at this game) but it’s funny because at the games we still talk shit to each other like we’re still 18 years old. Incidentally, despite a few spirited cheaters on the North Side, the South Side has been whooping up on us in recent years. The North Side team is becoming decidedly slower and fatter as the years pass.

3. The NBA Draft/Fantasy Football Draft-As some of you may remember one of my favorite things in the world is a draft. Not the kind for a war or the kind that architects use but professional and fantasy sports drafts. Drafts are like my Super Bowl, World Series, World Cup and Olympics. I love everything about drafts. I love the element of surprise. I love trying to predict who will pick who. I love speculating about a players “tremendous upside potential.” I love the suits the players wear to the games and their entourages. All in all I guess I just love lists and what is a draft but a long list of players. I was very excited to find out that today is the first day that you can start drafting teams for the upcoming Yahoo fantasy football season.

2. Camping/Road trips- My parents never took me camping as a child so I’m not sure I know exactly how to do it. I don’t know how to pitch a tent, build a fire or catch a fish but I can sit around the fire drinking beer with the best of em. In college we used to travel to Wisconsin, Indiana and Missouri to “camp out” and go to Phish concerts. I don’t know if it was what you would traditionally think camping was but we did sleep in tents. Although one time I got kicked out of the concert and after many failed attempts to sneak back in I “slept” it off sprawled out in a field. Only to wake up disoriented because 30,000 people were standing around me after the concert and I sat up having no clue where I was. I hitchhiked back to the campsite and somehow made it to the right one even though I didn’t know where it was or what it was called. My friend Katie is presently trying to plan a camping trip for this summer although I think we have graduated from tents to cabins.

1. Sitting around inside doing nothing- Well I wouldn’t call this nothing exactly- I mean I am running about 3 fantasy teams into the ground, illegally downloading as much music as I can for my 90’s party, eating, drinking, scratching, instant messaging, emailing, researching the upcoming fantasy football draft, blogging, message boarding , watching Oprah, yelling at the dog…..is this Heaven?

My Least Favorites

Well since I shared some of my favorites with you I figured I would share some of my least favorites. There are millions of people in this world that I can’t stand. So instead of talking about my least favorite food, car, or color this list will focus solely on some of the people that I HATE! Since there are so many people I hate I decided to put them into different groups. The groups are: actors, athletes, comedians, the media, musicians and “people in my neighborhood.” I reserve the right to add to this list at any time.
Before I start dishing the hate to the individuals who know they deserve it. I wanted to first mention whole groups of people that make me sick. Generally speaking the following groups of people SUCK!

Republicans
The Religious Right
yuppies
Libertarians
Scientologists
people from the South
metrosexuals
anal retentives
politicians
loud people
soccer moms
Nascar dads
sportscasters
sitcom actors
realtors
children
people that work at the DMV
the Boy Scouts of America
Born agains
rich people
injury plagued athletes

ACTORS (or tv personalities)
Keanu Reeves
Tom Cruise
Cuba Gooding Jr.
Ben Affleck and Matt Damon
John Travolta
Mel Gibson
Charlie Sheen
Bruce Willis
Arnold Swartzenegger
Ashton Kutcher
Tyra Banks
Anyone who has ever been on the Bachelor
Ryan and Trista
Richard Karn (host of the Family Feud)
Judge Judy
Jerry Springer
Jenny Jones
that dude from Law and Order SVU
Donald Trump
Martha Stewart
Those guys from Queer Eye
Jeff Probst
Roger Lodge
All of the Desperate Housewives
The ladies of the View
Anyone on the show Everybody Loves Raymond
Shawn Astin
Harry Potter

ATHLETES (and sports commentators)

Cal Ripkin Jr.
Ron Santo
Reggie White
Jerry Krause
Kerry Wood
Brett Farve
Allan Houston
Charlie Ward
Karl Malone
Mark Price
John Stockton
Steve Kerr
John Rocker
Micheal Irvin
Pat Tillman
Larry Brown
Lloyd Carr
Bobby Knight
Dusty Baker
Mike Ditka
Pat Riley
Mark McGwire
Joe Buck
Bob Costas
Tom Dore
Hawk Harrellson
all play by play and color commentators
Jim Rome
Jay Mariotti
Skip Bayless
Dan Patrick
Stuart Scott
Shaun Salsberry
Mike North
Doug Baffone
Mike Greenberg
Steve “Snapper” Jones
Jim Gray
Duke
White Sox fans
The Patriots

COMEDIANS

Paul Reiser
Tim Allen
Caroline Rhea
Elaine Boozer
Jimmy Kimmel
Robin Williams
Dennis Miller
Jimmy Fallon
Horatio Sanz
Billy Crystal
Jay Leno
Ray Ramano
Drew Carey
Ant
Whoopy Goldberg

THE MEDIA (and radio personalities)

Bill O’ Reilly
Rush Limbaugh
Bill Curtis
Tim Russert
Tom Brokow
Anyone on CNN, MSNBC, FOX NEWS, except for Soledad O’Brian (She’s HOT)
Imus
Sean Hannity
Howard Stern
Robin Quivers
Mancow
Eric and Kathy
Eddie and Jobo
Ryan Seacrest
Guiliana Depandi
Carson Daly
Gideon Yago
John Norris

MUSICIANS

R. Kelly
Justin Timberlake
Destiny’s Child
country musicians
Aerosmith
James Taylor
The Rolling Stones
Dave Mathews Band
people that listen to Dave Mathews
Bon Jovi
Metallica
Ricky Martin
The Offspring
Ace of Base
Bush
L.L. Cool J
Ja Rule
Nelly
50 Cent
Emminem
House of Pain
Will Smith
P. Diddy and Mase
Randy Jackson
Paula Abdul
Crucial Conflict
Bone Thugs and Harmony
Limp Bisquick
Kid Rock
Motley Crue
Tommy Lee
Cher
AC/ DC
Kiss
Brittney Spears
classic rock
Courtney Love

PEOPLE IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD

most people that work for Chicago Public Schools
my realtor
the developers who worked on our condo
the lawyer for those developers
Mayor Daley
the filthy people in the building next store that use our yard as a garbage can
people that don’t pick up their dog shit
people that work at fast food restaurants in the ghetto
people who own pit bulls
Comcast

My Favorites

I was inspired to write this blog entry mostly because of writers block. I am not much of a writer but I love to make lists. I make a list almost everyday. I love reading lists. I like TV shows about lists. It seems that most TV channels have a show that features a list of some sort. In fact ESPN, the E network, VH-1 base most of their programming around lists. MSNBC, AMC, A&E, Bravo and BET, just to name a few, feature lists as well. I read some great lists over the weekend. My good friend Aaron Parchem made the Olympics as a pair’s figure skater a few days ago. As I checked the internet for information on him I stumbled across his bio. His bio was short and funny, the bio you are about to read will be neither of those. I wanted to list some of my favorites so my readers can know more about where I’m coming from. It was too hard to list just one favorite for each so for some I listed two or three favorites.

My Favorites

food: nachos
beer: Amstel Light/Miller Lite
dessert: homemade cookies
chips: Cheetos Cheese Puffs
candy: Plain MandM’s
fast food: Taco Bell
pizza: Home Run Inn
book: The Autobiography of Malcolm X
author: Micheal Moore/ Augusten Burroughs
magazine: Sports Illustrated
tv show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
old tv show: The Cosby Show
reality show: Survivor/ The Real World (pre Hawaii season)
Movie (drama): Do the Right Thing
movie (comedy): The Cable Guy, Friday
actor: Jack Nicholson
actress: Alfre Woodard
comedian: Larry David/Eddie Murphy
comedic duo: Chris Farley, David Spade
artist: Elizabeth Catlett
singer: Stevie Wonder
album: Kind of Blue (Miles Davis)
rock band: Phish
rap group: A Tribe Called Quest
MC: Common
concert attended: Nine Inch Nails (Rosemont Horizon 1994)
honey: Nia Long
super model: Naomi Campbell
car: ? something pimped out like a big Oldsmobile
web site: fanball.com
game show: Jeopardy/ Family Feud
video game: Super Mario Brothers
comic strip: The Far Side
school subject: American history
decade: the 60’s
president: FDR
city (besides Chicago): New York/ Madison
Chicago Icon: Bill Murray
Oak Park Icon: Ludacris/ Homer Simpson
Chicago Event: Blues Fest/ The Taste
Chicago Bar: Simpson’s (Roosevelt and Western)
museum: Field Museum
Cub: Andre Dawson/ Shawn Dunston
non Cub: Jose Canseco/ Rickey Henderson
Bull: Dennis Rodman
non Bull: Allen Iverson/ Charles Barkley
Bear: Walter Payton
non Bear: Barry Sanders
female tennis player: Serena Williams
male tennis player: Jimmy Connors
golfer: Tiger
wrestler: The Rock
sport to play: tennis
sport to watch: March Madness
sporting event attended: Bulls/Knicks game 7 1992? In the old stadium.
sporting event attended up until the 8th inning: The Bartman game.
childhood cartoon: Looney Tunes
childhood movie: Pee Wee’s Big Adventure
childhood tv show: Saved By the Bell
childhood author: Judy Blume
childhood game: playing house/ building forts
childhood hobby: stealing baseball cards
childhood vacation: family reunion, Monticello WI.
board game: Life

Top 10 Chicago Sports Stories of 2005

Hello again everybody. I will not waste your time with another apology for not posting in awhile (sorry Mac). I hope I haven’t lost all my readers I was considering sending out an email to my most loyal readers but I figured that was a little too self indulgent. I haven’t posted in awhile for several reasons. If you noticed most of my blogging in the past came in the summer months when I don’t work. Summer is also a pretty slow time of the year as far as my obsession (fantasy sports) goes. Mainly though, I just haven’t had a lot to write about lately. Yet again I hate my new job and I have been sick quite often this fall (RIVETING MATERIAL I KNOW). Anyway boo hoo, don’t cry dry your eye. My New Years Resolution is to blog more often and to help me do this I will also make my posts shorter (with the exception of this one). That is another reason why I haven’t blogged in awhile, all my previous posts were these long stories and I kinda felt that I had to come up with a long story every time I blogged. Of course I have nothing interesting to say so this posed a problem. I have the next 10 days off with absolutely nothing to do so stay tuned CAUSE I’M BACK BABY!!!!! THIS IS THE WINTER OF NATE!!!!!!!

The Top Ten Chicago Sports Stories of 2005

I wanted to get in an obligatory end of the year review since I only got about one day left. I think I was waiting for the last minute just in case the Cubs traded Prior for Tejada (come on Cubs make it happen! throw in Kerry Wood too I never want to see those two losers again). I have actually been thinking of this subject of Chicago sports for months. This has got to be the best year for Chicago sports in the cities long pathetic sports history. As much as it pained me to see the White Sox win the World Series I tried to be fair by listing many of their accomplishments in this top ten. Many of you probably think the White Sox should cover the entire top ten moments (others like myself would like this past season erased from everyone’s memory) but I assure you there were many other great stories from Chicago land sports teams this year. In fact there were so many I could have made a top 20 list so here are the honorable mentions.

Northwestern Wildcats Football Challenges for the Big Ten Crown- Yes most teams in the Big Ten challenged for the title this year but what a year for Northwestern. Their QB, Brett Basenez, got big ten player of the year awards. Their running back was incredible. They don’t put it together like they did this year very often.

Dee Brown breaks his foot at the Chicago pre draft workouts- Some may not think this is top ten worthy but I believe it could prove to be. If Dee Brown doesn’t break his foot then he is not on the Illini this year. Instead of being a top five, undefeated (15-0 after tonight) title contender, they would be nothing this year with out him. I hope he raises his stock as a PG in a weaker draft class next year.

Maddux gets his 3,000th strikeout- I wanted to put this on the list mostly just because I was present for it. The game was supposed to start at 7:00. The teams took the field around 10 pm, which is a half hour after beer sales end (what is the point of having a baseball game with out beer?). It was the second time in the last few seasons that I saw the Cubs play San Fran sans Barry Bonds. We stayed till 11:30 and I believe the Cubs lost in extra innings at around 2 AM.

Ozzie Guillen is a crazy lunatic- Don’t worry Sox fans I will devote almost half the top ten list to you, this however probably should have made the list. Whether he was calling people “homosexual child molesters,” “Venezuelan Fucks” or promising to retire if the Sox won the World Series, Ozzie somehow managed to warm the hearts of Chicago sports fans this year. Really, with three teams full of no named players in Chicago (Bulls, Bears, and Sox) the coaches for those respective teams are often looked at as MVP candidates. While this love affair with our coaches might not last long (ask Dusty) for now we are in love with our Lovies, Scotties and Ozzies. Now for the real list.

10.Derrick Lee breaks out and flirts with a triple crown- After trading Sammy in January (maybe that shoulda made the list) we needed another superstar on the North side. Enter DerriLeek who became the sixth player in MLB history to hit better than .330 with 40 homers and 50 doubles. He did all this with no steroids, corks, line up protection, base runners or a prima donna attitude. That’s pretty amazing. Sorry Sox fans but he is the best player in town.

9.Notre Dame Football is back! - The Irish were literally about 2 feet away (or two plays away) from playing for the National Championship this year. The USC game is being touted as one of the best football games of all time. They had a Heisman candidate and a popular choice for Coach of the Year. I guess its time to try and squeeze back into all the Irish gear we wore as kids.

8.DA Rookies- Not only was it the year of the coach in Chicago this year but hows
about those rookies. Kyle Orton helps the lowly Bears get to the playoffs, Ben Gordon wins the sixth man of the year award (should have been rookie of the year) and helps lead the Bulls back to the playoffs. With the notable exception of Cedric Benson, most rookies made significant contributions to their respective teams including: Robbie Gould, Mark Bradley, Orton, Nocioni, Gordon, Deng,Iguchi,McCarthy and Jenks(is he a rookie?). This is good news for Chicago sports fans for years to come.

7.Signings and Trades- Of course the biggest signing of the year was Paul Konerko. Let’s not forget some other tasty free agents placed under our Kwanzaa tree this year: Mushin Muhhamed, Juan Pierre, Jim Thome, Jon Garland, A.J. Pierzynski, Tyson Chandler and many others. The biggest trade happened at the end of last year (Podsednik for Lee) but there were still quite a few hum dingers this year as well. The Bulls managed to get rid of headache (and heart ache) Eddy Curry. Unfortunately they managed to get rid of all their big men and it is killing them this season. I am thankful they didn’t give Curry the big money but damn they need an inside threat bad. The good news is Chicago native Isiah Thomas is an idiot and also traded us the Knicks unprotected first round pick for next season which is looking like it will be an excellent pick. Too bad we won’t be able to draft the next Eddy Curry with the NBA’s new age minimum. As mentioned before the Sammy Sosa era came to an abrupt end this year when he was traded to the Baltimore Orioles for the 1989 Fleer error baseball card of Billy Ripkin that says “fuck face” on the bat handle. It was a good trade for both sides. Kenny Williams made a bunch of good trades and signings this year Pierzynski, Jenks, Thome, Vasquez, El Duque. Lucky for you Sox fans Robbie Alomar retired this year ruining Kenny’s annual July signing of the second baseman.

6.Bulls 6 year drought ends- The Baby Bulls behind their leaders Paxson and Skiles scrapped and clawed their way into the playoffs. They would have made more noise with a healthy Eddy Curry but it was still exciting. Skiles and Gordon invent a new position in basketball, the closer. The Bulls play team basketball and in true Chicago form hang their hats on their strong defense.

5.Bears make the Playoffs- This is where the list really starts to get challenging both the Bears and Sox could have top tens of their own. I think I will combine some of the greatest Bears moments into this very important 5 spot on the list. Three events this season really made me sit up straight in my seat and take notice. First the Vasher field goal return for a touchdown, I can honestly say this is the coolest play of all time. If I could just quote Tyra Banks for a minute that spin move by Vasher was “FIERCE!” What in his head made him decide that he was gonna try to catch this kick in the end zone, off a field goal kick, in a torrential wind storm and then run like 280 yards to the other end zone. Also, who could forget Urlacher running with Vasher the whole way and circling him like he was Scrappy Doo begging uncle Scooby to let em at the bad guys. Next, the home game vs. Carolina. I can’t remember a team getting as beat up by a defense as Carolina did by the Bears front four that day. Nobody thought the Bears were gonna win this game and they came out and dominated. This was probably the first time I started getting excited about the PLAYOFFS? PLAYOFFS? Finally the Atlanta game. Most Bears fans won’t admit that they were nervous the whole week of the Atlanta game. Then they made us wait until Sunday night for the kickoff. Would the Bears fold as so many Chicago teams before them have? How would our defense handle the elusive legs of Mike Vick? Who would be our quarterback? Our defense dominated again. Rex Grossman started the second half and in his first series led the Bears down field in their most exciting drive of the season. We are now two wins away from the Super Bowl in the 20th anniversary of the greatest team of all time.

4.Illini has (almost) perfect season- Speaking of anniversaries the Illini had some good mojo going in the 100th year of Illini basketball (hey they Cubs are quickly approaching a 100th anniversary of their own!) I must admit the moment I associate with this Illini season was the greatest sports moment for me personally of the last year. I know I often root against the Illini but that is only when they are playing Wisconsin or when one of my many friends who graduated from Illinois is within earshot. I came out of the closet this year by showing love to the Illini. The comeback vs. Arizona is one of the greatest sporting events I have ever watched. They were down by 15 with 4 minutes to go! I was in an Illini bar and all of my friends were looking for a ledge to jump off. Then it just started happening. Steals, threes, people jumping up and down, dudes hugging random dudes, chicks kissing random chicks. I don’t know I can’t remember it was all such a blur caused either from the excitement or the fact that we were sitting in a bar for 12 hours watching college basketball.

Ok Ok I will reserve the top three spots for the Sox jeez are ya happy Sox fans?

3. El Duque’s dominating performance in relief against Boston- I will give a spot to each round of the playoffs the first has to be El Duque’s masterful performance in relief. Hopefully the Sox know what they are doing in getting rid of this guy. What am I saying hopefully he wins the NL Cy Young this year!

2. Tie. A.J.’s walk off strike out/ 4 complete games by the starters-Uh oh our first tie I smell a controversy. Of course that pesky A.J. Pierzynski can’t seem to stay away from it. That was one of the weirdest ways to end a game you will ever see and I think it really turned the tide in the White Sox favor. They could have been going into Anaheim down 0-2 which would have been really hard to overcome. Of course the Sux got every lucky break possible because God hates me. It wasn’t all lucky breaks however which brings us to the second part of our tie. The White Sox really proved that pitching and defense (and luck) bring Championship trophies. 4 complete games in a series by your starters is the most impressive feat on this entire list.

1. World Series, Game Two- I just happened to host Sunday football at my house for a fantasy league that I am in with a bunch of Southsiders on this day. I had 15 old ass Southsiders in my house for the game roasting me non stop. It was the most painful experience of the year. Every thing was going ok until Konerko hit that grand slam, and Scottie F’ing Podsednik gets a walk off home run after another unbelievable outing by Beuhrle. From this moment on there was no doubt that the White Sox would eventually become World Champs. I hate the White Sox and their fans more than life itself. Hopefully Reinsdorf’s New Years resolution will be to finally go through with moving the team to St. Petersburg.

Happy Sports Year

Worst Comedy Ever

I need your help folks. I have been struggling with a problem for quite some time now. I can not find a decent movie to watch. I admit I don’t look very hard. We unplugged our DVD player last February and we have not figured out how to plug it back in since. I do not go to the movie theatre (it’s been about a year). I can’t pinpoint a succinct reason why I don’t go to movies but it’s gotta be one of at least three reasons. #1 I am lazy and don’t like leaving the house. #2 There are no good movies to go see. #3 With cable, internet and take out food why would I go to a movie? There is one other reason, I can think of nothing I hate more than getting excited for a movie, making the extreme time commitment, sitting down to watch a movie and twenty minutes into it you realize it’s your new least favorite movie. As little as I watch movies, this has been happening to me too often. Once I realize that I have wasted my hard earned money and time I start to panic. My A.D. D. kicks in to overdrive. I start wince at every bad line. I boldly proclaim to Angela that this is the worst movie I have ever seen. I repeatedly search for the exits.
Part of it is my fault. You see, my favorite movie genre by far is comedy. I do like some dramas and documentaries as well. I will not watch action, adventure, horror, thriller, romantic comedy, buddy movie, science fiction, western, animation, mystery, love story or any type of chick flick. Mostly, I only watch comedies which is why I have been so upset lately. Where have all the good comedies gone? I don’t understand why it is so hard to write a comedy film. There are so many great comedians out there and so many terrible, terrible comedy films. Chris Rock funny, Chris Rock movies…..garbage. Ditto Bernie Mac, Dave Chapelle, Cedrick the Entertaina (what is Cedrick’s last name?) Martin Lawrence, Chris Tucker and a host of others.
I just got done watching the movie Guess Who? Featuring Ashton Kutcher and Bernie Mac. On paper this film has some potential. A slightly effeminate Ashton Kutcher and his black girl friend who decides to surprise her dad (Bernie Mac) by bringing home a white boy. Hilarity does not ensue. I just don’t get how such a slightly promising premise can get so butchered by comedy writers.
I recently saw a few other comedy movies that again on paper offered promising ideas and/or casts and then proceeded to bomb. In the flick Be Cool, you think you could be in for some laughs. You got a Vince Vaughn trying to act black; you got Cedrick the Entertaina, The Rock playing a gay guy and Andre 3000 from Outcast. Not to mention the tasty Christina Milian. I know, I know Jon Travolta’s pathetic ass was in it too and again he is asking us to pretend he is this ultra cool guy but still I thought it could be funny. Worst movie ever.
Vince Vaughn has been in some real stinkers lately. Dodgeball? How could they mess this one up? You could totally tell Vince was just mailing this one in. Did he shoot this movie while in rehab?
The last movie I have seen recently is Beauty Shop. I didn’t really think it was gonna be good but I was forced into watching it. It did have some promise on paper. I really enjoyed Barbershop. Plus it featured a hot Rudi Huxtable wearing hotpants and acting slutty. I just don’t understand how these writers can look at themselves in the mirror with the drivel they put out. It’s almost as if they are trying to come up with just enough material to fill out a 30 second trailer. We should sue them all for their bait and switch antics. I guess I will just continue to watch Friday, Office Space, The Cable Guy, Half Baked and Swingers over and over again.